


Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

by Backfired



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ...and there was only one bed, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Slow Burn, Undercover as Married, Undercover as a Couple, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, and as many other tropes as I can fit in
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23357134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Backfired/pseuds/Backfired
Summary: Agent Hare and Agent Hound, long time secret service colleagues with a...complicatedrelationship, are assigned to go undercover as a married couple to steal some super secret weapon plans. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Park Sooyoung | Joy, main ship is taeyong/doyoung
Comments: 21
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blossominyoongi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossominyoongi/gifts).



> title is stolen from the comedy/crime movie of the same name starring robert downey jr and val kilmer. it's very good. quarantine time is as good a time as any to watch it! :P

“Are you serious?” Doyoung looked up from the mission brief he’d just finished reading incredulously.

Across from him sat the head of the NCT Branch of their intelligence agency, the Jade Emperor, who simply leveled him with an unamused look. 

“Yes, Agent Hare, I’m serious. We considered all the possible agent combinations for this mission, I can assure you, and came to the conclusion that the two of you would be the most...convincing.” 

Beside him sat Taey—Hound, who had also begun uncomfortably fidgeting. 

Doyoung almost kicked him under the table to get him to stop, but for the sake of professionalism, settled for a heated glare out of the corner of his eye instead. Hound didn’t even seem to notice, paragon of a secret service agent as he was, and continued frowning down at his papers.

The Emperor sighed, “Look, Hare, this mission is quite time sensitive, and therefore is currently of eminent importance. Either you accept the mission and trust in the numbers that the Haetae department have run, or you decline and we can reassign the mission to other agents, at the risk of a lower success rate. What shall it be, Agent Hare?”

Doyoung grimaced, fighting down the urge to argue his case further. The Haetae department was basically their tech and Research & Development units combined into one, and rarely were their numbers or evaluations ever wrong. He was also quite aware of how unprofessional he was currently being, and in most situations he wouldn’t be doubting the rationale of his authorities to this extent, but this time he couldn’t help but question their sanity. 

Put  _ him _ on a mission with Tae— _ Hound _ , where they would need to pretend to be in a stable, loving marriage? Insanity! 

Sure, they’d been on multiple missions together during their time in the agency, but that had been while maintaining a long, professional distance from each other and did not involve acting in a fake relationship! 

But...he’d be risking the lives of multiple innocents here, if he refused the mission. And no matter his personal misgivings, that just didn’t sit comfortably with him.

That was that, then. 

Doyoung sighed, “I understand, sir. I accept the mission.” 

The Jade Emperor nodded, “Thank you, Agent Hare.” He turned to Hound, “And you, Agent Hound?”

Hound finally looked up from his brief, nodding once absently, before remembering himself and verbally affirming with a, “Yes, I accept the mission.” 

The Jade Emperor inclined his head, satisfied, and steepled his fingers in front of him.

“Very good. Now that we have that settled, familiarize yourselves with your covers. You have one week before you disembark. Dismissed.”

“Sir, yes, sir!” Both agents stood up at attention, giving the Emperor a sharp salute, before bowing a full 90 degrees and exiting the room swiftly. 

* * *

The car ride to the private jet that would take them to their destination was uncomfortably silent. The last week had been hellish. Doyoung had been teased mercilessly by his fellow agents—mostly Haechan making snide comments about how maybe he and Hound would finally resolve all their sexual tension,  _ as if there was any of that in the first place _ —and was glad to now be as far away from that as possible.

On the downside, however, he was stuck with his greatest enemy/associate/fellow-agent-who-he-had-a-complicated-relationship-with for the next two weeks. In an enclosed area. With NO wifi or internet access, or outside communication whatsoever. Ah yes, wasn’t that just the most convenient part of the mission. 

The objective was simple enough: Obtain a top secret superweapon blueprint and related documents from one Kim Junmyeon, heir of the largest weapons megacorporation in Korea, the Kim Corporation. They would intercept him by infiltrating the one event he would be attending this year where he would be the least guarded, a secluded couples retreat on a remote island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The man was practically married to his work, so it would be a given that all his documents would be with him while he was there. As part of their bohemian aesthetic, the retreat had a strictly enforced, complete wireless communications blackout, in their words “to encourage more social interaction and bonding in this distant digital age” yada yada. Part of it was definitely for security’s sake, though, since most of the people who could afford the retreat were quite the big-shots, some with prices on their heads. Because of that, they’d mostly be going into this mission blind, without their usual handlers and access to modern gadgets. They’d be doing this mostly old-school. 

Other than that particular annoying quirk of the mission, the biggest elephant in the room was how the infiltration was to be executed. As a couples retreat, it would be highly suspect if only one agent were to attend, so two had to be selected to act as a couple, get close to Kim, and steal the intel. Although a gay couple would usually be odd, the retreat was famous for its total privacy and for being welcome to anyone who could afford it, in other words, the perfect getaway for closeted celebrities and professionals. In fact, intel did suspect that Kim’s marriage to one Park Sooyoung was failing because he was actually gay, which was one of their team’s possible ins to get close to the man. With undercover missions having been his specialty for many years, Doyoung was always keenly aware that seduction was an option, however he usually found it unsavory and used it only as a last resort. 

To be honest, he was mostly worried about whether he’d be able to pull off the fake marriage thing with Hound. Well, he was worried on multiple levels, actually. For one, Hound usually didn’t do undercover missions. He was the 127 unit’s main sniper and sharpshooter, and so was usually a ways away from the more “social” parts of things. Yes, he’d undergone the same NLP training as everyone else, but training was one thing—real life situations were entirely unpredictable, and an agent needed finely tuned interpersonal skills to cruise through those speed bumps. Hound wasn’t  _ bad _ at such people skills, per se, and Doyoung had definitely seen him turn up the charm on missions before, but it just wasn’t his most comfortable sphere of espionage, and they needed to be running on all cylinders if they were going to pull this off in two weeks. 

The other reason why Doyoung was worried was because, well, he and Hound had never really gotten along all that well in the years they’d known each other. They’d first met when they were both recruited into the 127 unit of NCT six years ago, and to put it politely, Hound had made an absolutely  _ terrible _ impression on Doyoung. With that rocky start, Doyoung had tried his best to avoid Hound as much as possible. Unfortunately, however, because of their highly compatible skill sets, they were often paired together on missions. Doyoung had learned to begrudgingly tolerate Hound’s presence during their forced association over the years; he was efficient and effective at his job, and was even sometimes pleasant to be around. 

Their last mission together, however, had gone sideways. And instead of doing the rational thing and following proper protocol, Hound had endangered both himself and the mission even further, possibly irrevocably compromising the mission. That had torn a rift between them. At least Doyoung used to be able to depend on Taeyo- _ Hound _ to get the job done correctly, but apparently even that was now off the table. 

Needles to say, they were on rocky terms with each other right now.

Honestly, everything just came together in a perfect, glorious shitstorm that didn’t give Doyoung much confidence about the success rate of the mission. 

But he could always trust in the Haetae’s numbers, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> was requested to write this when I put out the idea [on twitter](https://twitter.com/deductus/status/1240442528119369730) so I said why not lol
> 
> I have the entire plot outlined already so hopefully updates will be regular? crossing my fingers
> 
> references:  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xiezhi  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haneullim


	2. Chapter 2

Doyoung sighed with relief as he threw his duffel down on the large queen bed in the middle of their room. He took a moment to stretch out his sore limbs first, cracking his back, neck, and fingers to loosen them up and unbuttoning a few stuffy buttons at his collar. The long flight on the retreat’s commissioned jet had been just as suffocating as the car ride. Thankfully the security check had gone smoothly enough, as none of the few hidden gadgets and firearms they were able to take with them had been detected. 

Hound set his and Doyoung’s luggage bags on the luggage racks before dropping his own duffel beside the bed. He quickly got to work, taking out a scanner and circling the room, in search of hidden devices. 

The agency had booked them a mid tier villa, which amounted to a spacious room with a large floor to ceiling window overlooking the island’s lush greenery, with a queen bed tucked as close up to it as possible with space for bedside tables. The bedroom was attached to a small kitchenette and dining area with tastefully placed lighting. The bathroom was even more lavish, housing a full tub, including jets, and a separate shower with an inordinate number of shower heads. Granite countertops and marble tiling lined the room all around. 

Having been on his fair share of undercover missions involving bunkering down in gritty hovels and squalid dumps in the midst of the shittiest weather, these upcoming pleasantly sunny days in this luxury villa complex would be a nice change of pace. 

Unfortunately, they weren’t just here to sightsee. Doyoung began methodically pulling out his equipment to check that everything was present, and went over their game plan again in his head. Across from him, Hound had finished searching the room for bugs, cameras, and blind spots. He affirmed that there was nothing other than the one camera Doyoung had noticed coming in, which was pointed at the door. Doyoung nodded absently, still inventorying, and Hound went to work setting his guns out for maintenance on the bed cover. It was quiet in the room as they each focused on their own tasks. They still had a few hours before they needed to slip their masks on and act all lovey dovey for the other guests.

Their character covers were simple enough: 

Doyoung was Kim Doyun. 29. Married for 3 years to his dear husband Lee Minjun. He loved skiing, reading, and long walks on the beach. His favorite pastime was “traveling the world.” He also used to play tennis in college, but dropped it after graduating. He currently worked from home as a consultant for an IT company, and his favorite hobby was trying out new recipes to surprise his husband with, as well as reading all the latest new mystery-thriller novels. He maybe had a  _ slightly _ worrying k-drama addiction. 

Hound was Lee Minjun. 31. Married for 3 years to his husband Kim Doyun and absolutely smitten with him. He enjoyed trying out all the latest new tech, golfing recreationally, and redecorating the house periodically. He owned quite a number of plants, but since he’s rarely home, taking care of them often falls on his husband. He currently worked as an executive for a mid-tier tech startup, and consequently traveled frequently between Korea and the US. Whenever he was home and had time, he liked to surprise Doyun with new recipes and gifts he’d learned or bought abroad.

The couple had met in college and started tentatively dating. Surprisingly, they had stayed together over the years and finally decided to get married three years ago. Their mostly smooth sailing relationship had recently become strained, however, as Minjun was rarely home due to his job and had begun to suspect his husband was cheating on him. Minjun had hoped going on this couples retreat with Doyun would iron out any wrinkles and rekindle their feelings for each other.

Honestly, the number of parallels between their covers and their true identities were somewhat suspicious. The Haetae had obviously been paying close attention to their comm recordings. It was true that in every good lie there was a grain of truth, but in this case their covers were almost skimming a bit too close to the whole truth for Doyoung’s liking. He scoffed. At least the “strained relationship” part would come off pretty naturally for both him and Hound.

After finishing his inventorying, Doyoung moved on to taking out and putting away all their gear, clothing, and supplies. Taeyong finished up cleaning his guns and went about securing the room and setting out the supplies he would need for later that night. 

By the time they were fully set up it was already around noon. Orientation started at 15:00 and would lead to a casual dinner party at 19:00. Doyoung took the shower first, and when he was done, set about picking their outfits for the day while Hound took the shower next. 

He was already dressed and lounging on the bed browsing the retreat’s welcome materials when Hound came out, a towel around his waist and another draped over his dripping hair. He took one look at the outfit Doyoung had set out for him on the bed and the first words out of his mouth were:

“Lee Minjun would definitely never wear that kind of shirt.”

Doyoung sighed, still without looking up from the gaudy welcome brochure in his hands, and sniped back, “Well then, Agent Hound, exactly what kind of shirt would Lee Minjun wear?”

At the code name, Hound frowned, sitting down on the other side of the bed and scooting closer to where Doyoung lay. 

“Are you really going to insist on codenames when it’s just the two of us? It’s already been weeks since the Moscow mission, Doyoung. I thought you’d—”

“Well then you thought wrong,” Doyoung snapped, finally looking up at Taeyong. 

Taeyong looked appropriately chastened, hair dripping sadly onto the expensive bed cover. 

Before Taeyong could say anything, Doyoung said, “Look, we have to set some things straight with our covers first before we meet everyone in an hour. No pet names. We had a spring wedding. Married in California. You proposed. You can decide the details on how and where yourself. Other particulars, like how I like my coffee, whether I’m a morning person, etc., should remain the same as our real identities, to make things easier to remember.”

Taeyong raised a brow, “Thought about this a lot, have you?” Which Doyoung just replied to with a glare.

Taeyong rolled his eyes and got up to start putting on the outfit Doyoung had chosen for him. Doyoung politely averted his eyes, although they’d seen each other naked enough times in HQ’s showers that it didn’t mean much. Or so he’d like to think, if not for his traitorously pounding heart and the rising blush he valiantly fought down.

As Taeyong pulled the contentious shirt on over his head, he asked, “So how did I find out about you cheating?” 

“ _ If _ I actually am cheating, you mean. Since you’re not sure yet,” Doyoung corrected.

“Well, are you?” Taeyong asked. Doyoung just shrugged.

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out,” he said. “How else will you be able to act convincingly suspicious and on edge?”

Taeyong paused, “Alright, you do have a point there. But what raised my suspicions?”

Doyoung thought about it for a bit. 

“Maybe just a combination of little things. Like my cologne started smelling different, and I wasn’t as interested in cooking for you anymore, or seemed less enthusiastic about the presents. New books outside my usual reading genre on the shelves...etc. etc.”

Taeyong hummed thoughtfully in reply as he pulled on his socks, “Seems like pretty convincing evidence to me.”

Doyoung huffed and turned back to his reading material, “Nice try, but my lips are sealed.”

Taeyong just chuckled good naturedly and headed back to the bathroom to blow dry and style his hair. 

* * *

Orientation was a drag. All the guests were walked through the facility in one large group. They were introduced to the outdoor and indoor Olympic pools, the generous indoor gym, the various dining areas, the bar and its attached ballroom, the mini casino, the theater, and the spa. They were also pointed to the small forest trail that was available for hikers or a leisurely stroll, as well as the shuttle station that would take guests down to the beach. As they walked back towards the main building, Doyoung spotted the security tower rising above the natural foliage in the distance. It seemed like a half kilometer trek away. As they moved through the building Doyoung also noted all the guard patrols and their apparent routes, as well as all the security camera placements. He began formulating possible escape routes just in case. 

As the group tour came to an end with everyone gathered in the large ballroom, people began to mingle and converse, introducing themselves, or otherwise disperse. Taeyong made a beeline towards the bar to order drinks and food, while Doyoung lingered around the other couples, looking for their mark. As they expected, most of the other couples, a dozen at most, were heterosexual. The only other gay couple that Doyoung spotted was the infamous Byun-Do pair. Infamous mostly because they were both so high profile yet also very public about their relationship. Although the couple was fairly well-known to the public in their own right, intel had also provided concise briefings on all the guest’s backgrounds just in case.

Byun Baekhyun was 36 and a self described billionaire party boy philanthropist. He’d been dating Do Kyungsoo for several years now. He was the one who popularized the retreat for other high profile couples through social media and other means, despite not being a shareholder of the company that ran the event. He liked to come at least once every year. It was also known that he was good friends with Kim Junmyeon.

Do Kyungsoo was 35. He worked as a CFO of a rival company to the Byun’s family company. Somehow, the two still managed to make their relationship work. He was known to be reticent and socially awkward, and didn’t usually speak to many people other than Baekhyun at social functions. 

Doyoung noted them both down as possible ins to Junmyeon before moving closer towards the edge of the crowd to get a better view of everyone. He finally spotted Junmyeon with Sooyoung near the door. They seemed to be arguing about something. Doyoung watched them as inconspicuously as possible for a bit, waiting for an opening to approach, but after a few moments the argument seemed to come to a standstill, and they both exited the room in a huff. 

Well, that lead was out for the night, then. Doyoung looked around again for Taeyong, and saw him approaching with two drinks and a plate of food balanced precariously in each hand. Out of the corner of his eye, he also noticed Kyungsoo leaving the bar with a drink, heading towards a poker table with a game just starting up. It was the first time he’d left Baekhyun’s side all day. Perfect.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt an arm slip around his waist and a soft kiss pressed to his cheek. 

“Hey honey,” Taeyong breathed into Doyoung’s ear, blatantly ignoring his earlier rule not to use pet names and causing a blush to rise to Doyoung’s cheeks at the unexpected closeness, “I brought you your favorite drink, and also something to nibble on.” He handed Doyoung a glass of bokbunja and a plate of shrimp cocktail and assorted chef’s choice of sushi and sashimi, with little toothpicks poked through for easy eating. 

Taeyong stepped back from a flustered Doyoung, sipping at his own no doubt fruity and sweet non-alcoholic beverage, before stealing a piece of shrimp off the plate and nodding towards the door, “I think I’m actually gonna head in for tonight. That plane ride and tour really took it out of me. You should stay up and have fun with the other guests, though, don’t worry about me.”

Doyoung got the hint. Taeyong was off to scout and bug the rest of the building like they discussed earlier. 

“Alright then, Minjunnie. Good night,” and before he could second guess himself, leaned in to press a light peck to Taeyong’s cheek. Doyoung thought he saw a hint of a blush on Taeyong’s cheeks as he smiled back and then politely excused himself. But no--must have just been the lighting.

Doyoung meandered as casually as possible towards the poker table, absently picking at the food on his plate as he went. The game that had started when Kyungsoo joined the table seemed to be winding down, and Doyoung took a seat and watched as the other players played their last hand. Kyungsoo seemed to already be on his third drink of the night, but still showed no signs of intoxication. Doyoung had purposely chosen the seat right next to him, but knew he’d have to play this one safe in order to get Kyungsoo to properly open up to him.

As the dealer dealt him in the next round, he glanced at his cards before casually sipping at his drink. Although bokbunja wasn’t actually his favorite drink, it really did go well with seafood; he had to hand it to Taeyong and his drink pairings. It did have a higher alcohol content than most of the drinks the other players had around the table though, so he’d have to pace himself.

A few rounds in and making a bit of small talk with the other players later, Doyoung finally turned his attention to Kyungsoo, who had remained mostly silent except to laugh at a few jokes throughout the game. 

“Do-ssi--er, sorry, is it alright if I call you Kyungsoo-hyung instead?” At Kyungsoo’s noncommittal nod, Doyoung continued, “I’ve heard a lot about you and Baekhyun-hyung.” He saw the man’s shoulders suddenly stiffen, in preparation for some insensitive remark no doubt, and quickly followed up with, “I’m here with my...husband, you see, and was wondering how you always handled the attention from the media and public so well. We’ve been keeping our relationship rather low-profile so far, but were thinking of becoming more open about it soon. It’s a big step forward though,” Doyoung faked a convincing blush and self-conscious giggle, “Honestly it’s still so new for me to even be able to say ‘husband’ out loud like that, you know?” Kyungsoo softened a bit at that, seeming to buy his bluff.

“It’s...difficult. At first. But your feelings for each other will help you pull through,” he said. Doyoung nodded solemnly in agreement and waited for him to elaborate, but he seemed content to stop there. How...cryptic. And surprisingly romantic. 

Deciding that maybe the topic of his love-life wouldn’t be the best way to approach this, Doyoung tried other conversation topics instead. Eventually he discovered their mutual love for cooking. Apparently Kyungsoo had just started taking lessons, and often would try new recipes out on Baekhyun to test their success. Unfortunately, Baekhyun always ended up saying everything he made tasted great, so it was a futile effort. Doyoung laughed at that, and shared a few recipes of his own. Kyungsoo was intrigued, and they ended up adding each other on KaKaoTalk so they could send recipes more easily. 

After chatting like this for a while, poker game long forgotten, Kyungsoo suddenly looked up and startled when he saw the time. 

“I should go check on Baekhyun,” he said apologetically to Doyoung as he excused himself, “That idiot always gets into some sort of trouble when I’m not looking.” The latter part was said with unusual fondness, and Doyoung marveled at that as he watched Kyungsoo leave. 

A few poker rounds later, just to keep up appearances, Doyoung excused himself as well, going outside for “a walk.” 

He did another two laps around the whole complex, this time noting down the exact locations of cameras and guards. He wanted to check the forest path as well, but considering how dark and how late it was, decided to save that for another day. It was also possible that Taeyong might have gotten to it already. The cool night air did wonders for sobering him up again, and by the time he made it back to his and Taeyong’s room he was feeling refreshed once more. 

He slipped through the door to their room quietly, in case Taeyong was already sleeping. There was only one light on in the room, the bedside lamp on his side of the bed. Taeyong was indeed already asleep, snoring softly under a mountain of blankets. They’d had to share beds out of necessity during missions before, and early on Doyoung had established that he took the side closest to the window and Taeyong the one nearest the door. Taeyong had just shrugged and took it in stride, not questioning what was no doubt a quirk Doyoung had picked up from one wayward mission or another. 

Doyoung quietly went about his nightly ablutions before undressing and changing into his pajamas in the dim light. He paused for a moment beside the bed. Although they’d shared a bed enough times in the past, for some reason it never got any easier. Doyoung always would lay awake for a few miserable hours, trying and failing to calm his nerves and fall asleep, while Taeyong would just blissfully snore away within a few minutes of getting under the sheets. Doyoung envied him the most in those moments. 

Finally, with a weary sigh, he climbed under the covers, keeping as far away from Taeyong’s sleeping form as possible and turning his body to face the window. The openness of the large floor-to-ceiling windows, even with the curtains pulled over them, only exacerbated his nerves more, but he forced himself to ignore them and instead focused on evening his breathing and listening to the soft snuffling sounds Taeyong made in his sleep. The blankets were already warm from Taeyong’s body heat; he was always as hot as a furnace at night, which was why he usually only wore a T-shirt and boxers as pajamas, much to Doyoung’s dismay. 

A few fitful hours of drifting in and out of sleep later, Doyoung finally felt the heaviness of sleep fully take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> https://www.90daykorean.com/korean-alcohol/


	3. Chapter 3

The cabin door slammed open, a flurry of snow following in its wake. Taeyong stumbled in, barely supporting Doyoung’s violently shivering form. With a hard kick, he shoved the door closed behind them against the howling snowstorm outside. 

Taeyong headed straight for the only threadbare bed in the room, dropping Doyoung as gently as he could on the mattress. Doyoung shook like a leaf and curled in on himself the moment he was set on the bed and the warmth of Taeyong’s body heat left him.

Taeyong’s heart panged at the sight, but he quickly set himself into survival mode. He first went to check the small fireplace, which had nothing but a few ashes and charred bits of wood left inside from whichever former occupants had used it last. Cursing to himself, he went and raided what he assumed were the closets, finding only a few moth-eaten blankets and pillows. He bundled them up and quickly took them over to where Doyoung lay shivering on the bed, still curled up in a fetal position. 

Taeyong tucked a pillow under his head before he methodically began removing Doyoung’s wet clothes. He was barely conscious enough to protest and simply mumbled softly. Taeyong pressed a hand to his forehead to check his temperature. He was burning up, but the rest of him was still freezing to the touch. Taeyong himself was also freezing, but was much better off than Doyoung at the moment, who was clearly already mildly or moderately hypothermic. 

The shrieking wind and creaking of the trees and cabin around them was the only noise other than Doyoung’s rapid, shallow breathing. With the way things were going, it looked like the blizzard would last for quite some time. Expression grim, Taeyong tamped down the rising panic he felt and wrapped the remaining blankets tightly around Doyoung’s form, shushing Doyoung quietly when he slurred something unintelligible. 

Moving on autopilot now and simply following training protocol,Taeyong checked all of the remaining cabinets in the kitchen next, hoping that whoever was here last had left a few canned goods or something. He came up empty. There were only a few dusty pots and pans, long left unused. Shit. If Doyoung made it past this hump and the wind and snow died down enough, Taeyong would have to try his luck and go outside hunting. They were so deep in the Himalayas he doubted evac would arrive until at least a few days later. He’d lost contact with his handler when the blizzard had started, but managed to put out a distress signal before then, at least. Hopefully they would be able to triangulate their position from that and find them eventually.

Taeyong was still hunched over the kitchen countertop, stewing in his thoughts as he tried to figure out what to do, when Doyoung mumbled something again, a bit louder this time. 

“Tae...yongie…?” he slurred, or at least what it vaguely sounded like. 

Taeyong hurried back to Doyoung’s side, tucking in the blankets that had come loose around him again and crouching down so he would be eye level with him. 

“C-cold,” Doyoung bit out, another wave of shivers overcoming him. 

“I know, Doyoungie, hang in there,” Taeyong said, cursing at himself. He had to do something, or Doyoung would die. They had no food or fire. Taeyong wracked his brain for a solution. An obvious one presented itself, but would it be worth potentially ruining his relationship with Doyoung forever? He debated internally for a few tense moments.

Fuck it. 

Doyoung could yell at him or give him the cold shoulder for the rest of his life afterwards if he wanted to, but Taeyong was determined to save his life. 

Taeyong got up and stripped naked, leaving his snow-wet clothes to dry out on the floor. He lifted the covers around Doyoung, who flinched at the sudden gust of cold air against his naked skin, and gently pushed him back further onto the bed to make room for himself. He gently eased himself underneath the blankets before tucking them back around them tightly. Carefully wrapping his arms around Doyoung’s trembling form, he drew him in as close as possible. 

Taeyong couldn’t help but shiver as his heated skin touched Doyoung’s icy cold flesh and reflexively broke out in goosebumps. At least Doyoung’s violent tremors seemed to wane a bit the longer Taeyong held him. Or maybe that was simply his own wishful thinking. 

Doyoung made a questioning noise as Taeyong tucked his head up against his neck, hair tickling at Taeyong’s cheek, but made no other protest. 

He placed a soft kiss against the top of Doyoung’s head, batting away his pessimistic thoughts as another wave wracked through Doyoung’s body. Everything Taeyong had always wanted, finally in his arms, but it had to be like this. In this shitty cabin in the middle of nowhere, blizzard raging with no rescue in sight, and on the brink of death. Fuck his life. Fuck everything. All those years he could have said something to Doyoung, _anything_ , to give him even an _inkling_ of the depth of feeling that Taeyong had for him. Wasted.

As the night wore on and the darkness inside the cabin grew deeper, Doyoung’s breath slowly began to even out, and Taeyong could tell he was struggling to stay awake but was fighting a losing battle.

“You’re gonna be okay, Doyoungie. We’ll be okay,” Taeyong reassured him quietly, trying to believe the words himself. Doyoung didn’t answer, but Taeyong could still feel the warm puffs of his breaths on his collarbone. 

Taeyong could only wait it out and hope that they made it through this. Please, let them make it through this.

* * *

Taeyong woke up with a start to sunlight streaming down on his face. He was disoriented for a brief moment before he realized where he was. 

His heart was still pounding from stress and fear as the vestiges of his dream faded away. He wasn’t in the Himalayas, stuck in a drafty cabin in the middle of nowhere with Doyoung slowly freezing to death in his arms. He was on an island in the middle of nowhere, at some bougie couples retreat with Doyoung, though unfortunately only as part of a mission. 

He sat up slowly, scratching absently at his bedhead, allowing himself a big yawn and stretch before the day started in earnest. Taeyong glanced over to see Doyoung still asleep beside him, in his same customary log position. Training had drilled the habit into both of them to sleep in such a prone position, but these days Taeyong tended to fall back into his starfishing habits, whereas Doyoung still religiously adhered to protocol. 

Taeyong couldn’t help but take a moment to watch him for a bit, observing the way the sunlight played over his face, tracing the curve of his nose and the soft bow of his lips with his eyes. Watched the slow rise and fall of his chest, the soft flicker of his eyelids under the spell of some dream, and the peaceful expression on his face. 

He missed that the most. Doyoung was always glaring at him these days, even more than he used to when they first met. He was 90% sure it had to do with the Moscow mission, which Taeyong knew he _had_ technically fucked up, but hey, it had been for good reason!

Well, hopefully their disagreement wouldn’t get in the way of the mission.They were supposed to be professionals after all. 

With a discontented sigh, Taeyong reluctantly swung his legs over and got up out of bed. He set his worries and old memories aside--it was time to get to work.

* * *

Doyoung blinked awake, groaning softly as he threw up a hand to block the sun beaming directly onto his face. 

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Taeyong called from across the room, where he was working at the desk on his laptop. Doyoung grumbled something or other in reply before belatedly realizing what had awoken him: the mouthwatering aroma of a perfectly brewed cup of black tea on the bed stand beside him. 

Doyoung reached over and gingerly picked up the still steaming mug, taking a small sip. It was heavenly. Steeped for the exact right amount of time, just how he liked it. Doyoung carefully propped himself up on the bed, taking sips of the drink as he listened to the soothing clicking noises of Taeyong typing away. 

After a few quiet minutes, Taeyong turned around in his seat, laptop in hand. 

“How did you sleep, honey? You were completely dead to the world this morning.” 

Doyoung narrowed his eyes at Taeyong’s smirk, the morning’s pleasant goodwill draining out of him all at once. He was generally annoyed at Taeyong’s entire existence these days, but especially did not appreciate Taeyong purposefully ignoring all of his established ground rules. Doyoung was trying his best to be _civil_ during this mission, but Taeyong was apparently not extending the same courtesy. 

“Fine,” he said icily. “Let’s keep the discussion focused on the mission, shall we?”

Taeyong frowned at Doyoung’s acerbic reply, but decided to let it slide this time. He came around with his laptop and flopped down onto the bed next to Doyoung, careful not to jostle the drink in Doyoung’s hand. He set the laptop between them, a map of the facility on the screen. 

“While you were mingling with the other guests last night, I went and bugged various rooms, including Junmyeon’s. I also noted down all the guard patrols in the facility itself and surrounding area, as well as security cam locations. It was getting pretty dark though and I didn’t want to be too suspicious, so the patrols near the security tower are still unknown. Overall, the security here is a lot more lax than I was expecting. Even if we have to go in blind I think we have a good chance with just the equipment we have on hand.”

Doyoung hummed in agreement, taking another sip from his cup as he studied the map and committed it to memory. It basically lined up with his previous mental map, but he trusted Taeyong’s routes and locations to be more accurate as he had more time to snoop, and more daylight to see with as well. 

“Alright, well, nothing left to it then but legwork,” Doyoung said, setting down his cup. “We know there’s a formal dinner party coming up later this week that Junmyeon is sure to attend, but we should try to get some leads before then, too.”

Taeyong shrugged, “Yeah, shouldn’t be too hard. Just gotta keep track of everyone’s schedules and then weasel our way in. Simple enough.” 

Doyoung glared at his display of nonchalance, “If only it were actually that simple. Maybe if everything goes smoothly and you don’t put your foot in your mouth like always.” 

Taeyong gaped in speechless indignation. 

“Hey!” he yelled after him as Doyoung got up to get dressed, “What are you talking about? I’m charming!”

* * *

They decided to hit the pool. It was a bright and sunny day outside and guests were bound to be lounging about near the water. They were proven right when they approached and spotted Kyungsoo napping by the poolside, with Sooyoung laid out under a large umbrella beside him, book in hand. Other guests were also scattered about, some sunbathing, some resting, others doing laps or playing games in the pool. Doyoung spotted Baekhyun playing pool volleyball with some other guests as well. 

Doyoung allowed himself a brief moment to enjoy the view. The sun sparkled off the water beautifully and there was just enough of a breeze that the heat wasn’t too unpleasant. If only they were here on an actual vacation and not a mission...

Taeyong veered off towards the pool, citing that he wanted to get a few laps in first and leaving Doyoung with just a curt wave, most likely still sulking about Doyoung’s jab earlier. Huffing at being saddled with all the busy work _again_ (despite it probably being for the best), Doyoung meandered as casually as possible towards Kyungsoo and Sooyoung, feigning surprise as he approached them and took a seat.

“Is that Cho Kyuhyun’s new mystery novel?” Doyoung asked in genuine curiosity when he spotted the cover of Sooyoung’s book. “I’m a huge fan of his! I thought it wouldn’t be coming out until next month, though?” 

He held out his hand, “I’m Doyun by the way, Kim Doyun. Sorry about just gushing at you like that.” 

Sooyoung pulled down her sunglasses as she regarded him for a moment, before taking his hand with her own meticulously manicured one and shaking it. 

“Sooyoung,” she said simply. “And yes, Kyuhyun’s book _is_ set to come out next month, but it pays to have a husband in high places to get an advance copy.”

“Wow,” Doyoung breathed wistfully, “Must be nice. I’ve been waiting for his new book ever since he announced it. His plotlines always leave me on the edge of my seat and I can never guess who the real culprit is until the reveal at the end. It’s so satisfying somehow to have your own theories disproved so cleverly. He’s really a master at his craft.”

Sooyoung tilted her head as she considered him again in a new light, before pushing her sunglasses into her hair and out of the way, flipping her wavy locks over her shoulder. 

“Hmm, it’s rare that I can meet someone here who enjoys the genre as much as I do. People usually just come here to gossip. Tell me, what did you think about the red herring in _The Chambermaid’s Conundrum_?”

“Oh my god,” Doyoung jumped at the opportunity, scooting forward excitedly on his chair, “I was so completely fooled! Normally I have some sort of hunch but this time--” he continued to gush reverently about Kyuhyun’s remarkable storytelling, and slowly Sooyoung began to open up more and more, spotting a genuine fellow fan in him. 

Kyungsoo woke up halfway through their conversation and surprisingly joined in, albeit with much more subdued commentary. Their little book club discussion had them all completely engrossed, discussing characters, plotlines, and surprise reveals. A few hours passed in the blink of an eye, and soon it was already mid-afternoon. 

“Well, I’ll be sure to lend you this book after I finish it,” Sooyoung promised, “It’s just as thrilling as his other ones; he’s in peak form if I do say so myself.”

“Oh, you really don’t have to,” Doyoung said, waving a hand, “I’m more than willing to wait for it to officially come out.”

“No, I insist,” She said, pulling her sunglasses back down and returning to her reading, “I like you, Kim Doyun. And besides, I’m almost finished with it anyway.” She patted his arm with her other hand as she said this, her touch lingering a bit longer than usual.

Doyoung blushed as he looked down in surprise at his arm, “Well then, I-I’d really appreciate it.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes as he flopped over to continue his nap, “Sooyoung-ah, he’s married already. And gay.”

Sooyoung sniffed as she flipped a page, “I have no clue what you’re implying, Kyungsoo.”

Just in time to save him from continuing that awkward conversation, Doyoung heard Taeyong call out, “Doyun! Come join me!” And Doyoung politely excused himself. 

He slowly dipped his feet into the water as Taeyong pulled up to the poolside. His wet hair sticking out in all directions made him look like an adorably soaked puppy. 

With a start, Doyoung violently evicted that intrusive thought from his mind.

“C’mon, doesn’t the water feel nice and cool?” Taeyong teased as he tilted his head, squinting at Doyoung through the sun’s glare. “Stop being such a workaholic and relax and have some fun.” 

“I suppose it does feel pretty nice,” Doyoung conceded as he kicked his feet through the water, “But I don’t have my swimsui--” Doyoung yelped as he was suddenly pulled into the water by his legs, spluttering and flailing around in disorientation.

Strong arms gripped his waist and he was pulled above water with a splash and the sound of Taeyong’s laughter in his ears. He coughed a bit as he clutched at Taeyong’s shoulders, both of them treading water. 

“Warn me next time,” Doyoung ground out as he rested his forehead on Taeyong’s shoulder, hair dripping and clothes soaked through. Taeyong slowly backed them up against the poolside again as he chuckled, arms caging Doyoung in. 

Taeyong was close. Too close. Doyoung could feel his cool breath on the wet nape of his neck, and it sent a shiver down his spine. 

“Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?” Taeyong said. “I know you’d never get in without a little push. Or pull, in this case,” he laughed.

Doyoung was silent for once, not being able to argue against him. Maybe Taeyong was right and he should relax a little. They had a lead already, after all, and some wiggle room. He should stop and smell the flowers sometimes, right? ...But no, he shouldn’t get distracted. The rational thing to do was to work first and play later—it set his mind at ease to have his tasks already completed.

“You’ll make me lose my mind one day,” Doyoung muttered against his shoulder.

“What was that?” Taeyong asked, “I didn’t hear you.”

“Nothing,” Doyoung said in irritation as he pushed away at Taeyong’s arms, freeing himself. “I’m gonna head back to our room and change, I’m feeling tuckered out already and could use something to eat.”

Taeyong gazed at him curiously as he dragged himself out of the water. “Okaaayy….Do you want me to join?”

Doyoung paused to look back at him in consideration, “Sure, why not. So we can properly...debrief.”

Taeyong raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips, a quip definitely right on the tip of his tongue, but seemed to think better of it and got out of the pool to follow after him without another word. 

As they passed by the towel rack Taeyong grabbed a few and chivalrously wrapped one around Doyoung’s shoulders before slinging one over his own. Doyoung rolled his eyes at the display but chose not to comment. They talked about inconsequential things as they headed back to their room, careful of the cameras lining the hallways.

* * *

“I dug out some more info from Sooyoung,” Doyoung said once they were in the safety of their own room. They had both just finished showering and changing into evening loungewear. Doyoung sat at the room's small office desk, while Taeyong leaned on the wall across from him. 

“Junmyeon seems like just as much of a workaholic as he’s rumored to be. Sooyoung says he almost never leaves his room except for formal events or for the gym. Otherwise, he’s glued to his phone and laptop. They have a presidential suite on the topmost floor.”

“Great,” Taeyong said, “So we just have to sneak in when he’s at the gym. Sounds like a plan.”

Doyoung hummed. “Yeah, that does sound like the best route. We should focus on tracking his daily schedule for now and also work out a plan for security. Did you get any leads?” he asked, fully expecting the answer to be negative.

“I did, actually,” Taeyong said, with an infuriating smirk. “I made friends with Baekhyun-hyung and we actually hit it off pretty well. I could definitely see us becoming real friends if not for the whole super secret spy thing.”

Doyoung looked at him with genuine surprise, before his face descended again into a scowl.

“We’re not here to make friends, hyung, we’re here to execute a specific mission,” he snapped, “Stay on task, please.”

Taeyong seemed about to protest before he paused with an absolutely delighted look on his face, and Doyoung suddenly realized his slip-up. 

“Hyung?” Taeyong said, “You haven’t called me that in years.” He pushed away from the wall and went to lean up against Doyoung’s desk instead, invading his precious personal space much too soon after the day’s previous pool incident.

“What, feeling jealous? You know you have nothing to worry about; you’re my favorite person, Doyoungie.” 

Doyoung couldn’t help the flush that rose to his face at the endearment--another vestige from pre-Moscow that he’d rather leave behind. 

“Of course not,” he snapped, “don’t be delusional. And don’t call me that.”

“What, Doyoungie? Doyoungie. Doyoungie. Do—“ 

Without warning, Taeyong was violently tackled onto the floor in a sleeper hold. 

Arm like a vise around his neck, Doyoung hissed into his ear, “Don’t. Call me. That.” 

Taeyong nodded desperately as he frantically patted Doyoung’s arm, choking for air. Doyoung let him go after a moment, point made, and Taeyong rolled onto his side, holding his neck gingerly as he wheezed.

“Damn,” he coughed out, “I forgot how good you were at those. Hand-to-Hand 101 all over again.”

“A reminder then,” Doyoung sniffed, “for the next time you try to get cheeky with me.”

“Duly noted,” he said solemnly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
> https://www.quora.com/Is-getting-naked-really-the-best-way-to-stay-warm-during-cold-weather?share=1 (apparently according to the US marine corps in the 80s, yes lol)

**Author's Note:**

> my taedo yelling spaces -> [writing twitter](http://twitter.com/deductus) & [main/art twitter](http://twitter.com/dedecoris)


End file.
